Yet another boring meeting? For generations, meetings have been the bain of organisational and business life. To help you get through your next tedious, tortuous, unproductive and entirely unecessary meeting, here are 10 Tips you might like to consider.
1.
Stand up and
act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has
been called.
2.
Spill coffee
on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the
table.
3.
During a
meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she
seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to
an orgasm.
4.
Stay behind
as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
5.
Give a broad
wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake
your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy
and everybody knows it.
6.
Arrange to
have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting,
stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave
the room.
7.
Bring a hand
puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
8.
When there
is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the
table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it,
J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually
your boss's.)
9.
Complain
loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make
him/her stop doing it.
10.
Bring a
small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some
old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a
point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find
substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh,
uh-huh!"
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