The Marketing Bureau

By Brian H Meredith
From the NZBusiness Magazine "Marketing Maestro" Archive.
First published July 2008

Kellogg’s have launched edible Lego blocks in the U.S. market.   Yep. Edible Lego Blocks.   Targeted at children. Yep. It's as dopey as it sounds. And Yep. They really have.

They look like Lego Blocks.

 

The packaging illustrates Lego Blocks.

 

It carries the Lego logo. Prominently.

 

Children are intended to eat these faux Lego Blocks.

 

I have long believed the United States to be a triumph of might over intellect and this little innovation does nothing to assuage that view.

 

What follows is the email I sent to Kellogg’s on hearing of this new product:

 

Dear Robert,

 

As the person with the esteemed title “Vice President, Marketing and Innovation” you would seem to be a good bloke to talk to on this matter.

 

I have some questions relating to the your newly introduced Lego Fun Snacks.

 

What intellectually challenged moron thought of this? Developed this? Guided it through the NPD process ? Navigated it through the Legal Department? And actually managed to get it to market?

 

Sounds like it must have been a whole legion of morons.

 

I am flabbergasted at the idiocy of this product.

 

And if you are unsure why, please feel free to contact me and I will be pleased to elaborate.

 

However, given your esteemed title, I am hopeful than an explanation of my concerns won’t be necessary and that you will “get it”.

 

However, in case not, you might be interested in the following blogpost that I came across this afternoon ( http://www.penny-arcade.com/2008/06/18/  ):

“I would love to know what sick *expletive deleted* at Kellogg’s came up with this genius idea. I just spent the first three years of my sons life trying to get him not to eat blocks, and now you're telling him they taste like *expletive deleted* strawberries. Thanks a lot *expletive deleted*. Seriously, how in the hell did this ever get past their legal department. You can't tell me that this isn't a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I can only assume that their next product is fruit flavored thumbtacks”.

 

Your own thoughts/comments would certainly be appreciated. This is particularly so given the starring role this product will play in my next monthly Marketing Column in NZ Business magazine.

Yours sincerely

Brian H Meredith

 

I received a response that, in effect, said that my questions had been forwarded to the appropriate executive.  I have heard nothing since.

 

A colleague of mine, a barrister by profession, also wrote to Kellogg’s from the perspective of product liability and there being, surely, a whole series of lawsuits just waiting to happen.

 

He received a response too. His, too, was little more than a brush off, full of corporate waffle, bunkum & balderdash.

 

The Kellogg’s founding philosophy is that “improved diet leads to improved health”

 

Try as I might, I can’t dovetail Kellogg’s Lego Fun Snacks with this philosophy.

 

Try as I might, I can’t imagine that there will not be more than a few children who ingest real Lego blocks, believing them to be Kellogg’s Lego Fun Snacks.

 

And when they do?

 

I have asked Kellogg’s to explain their thinking but all I have really received is a version of that mindless North American twaddle “Thank you for contacting our company – Have a nice day”

 

Are Kellogg’s just being an arrogant corporate who can’t be bothered to be held accountable?

 

Are they simply as thick as two short planks and genuinely don’t see what the problem is?

 

Or am I missing something?

 

“Primum Non Nocere”—Above All, Do No Harm! The so-called Hippocratic injunction to do no harm has been an axiom central to clinical pharmacology and to the education of medical and graduate students since the 4^th Century BC.

 

It is surely not unreasonable to expect that, in the 21^st Century we can expect a similar guiding philosophy from one of the world’s most respected corporates?

 

Or does “Caveat Emptor” apply here?

 

I don’t think so.

 

If a manufacturer of any product targeted at our most vulnerable citizens fails to place their safety at the very top of their list of priorities, they deserve to be held accountable.

 

Kellogg’s deserves to pay a price. And so does Lego.

 

But the children who comprise their target market do not.

 

102 years of building a respected Brand will all come to nought on the day that the first child dies from choking on a real Lego Block thinking it to be edible.

 

Shame on you Kellogg’s. And shame on you Lego. Corporate cynics or Corporate idiots, this one will take some defending when the inevitable occurs.

 

Brian H Meredith