The Marketing Bureau


Specialist Marketing & Communications Resourecs

06

Jul

Still Feeling A Bit Credit Crunched?


Maybe We Can Help By Bringing A Smile To Your Face


Enjoy some Dilbert... the office worker (imagined by Scott Adams) who gave us these words of wisdom:

 

If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish he will buy an ugly hat. And if you talk about fish to a starving man then you are a consultant.

If you spend all of your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.

Technical people respond to questions in three ways: It is technically impossible (meaning: I don't feel like doing it); It depends (meaning: abandon all hope of a useful answer); The data bits are flexed through a collectimizer which strips the flow-gate arrays into virtual message elements (meaning: I don't know).

There are two essential rules to management. One, the customer is always right; and two, they must be punished for their arrogance.

In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and dead relatives beckoning.

Managers are like cats in a litter box. They instinctively shuffle things around to conceal what they've done.

Most problems go away if you just wait long enough. It might look like I'm standing motionless but I'm actively waiting for our problems to go away. I don't know why this works but it does.

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